Introduction
This research paper is about the importance of marriage and the value of this relationship in the present age. Usually, marriage is seen as the perfect loving union and everlasting bond between man and wife who are deeply in love with one another. Over time, there has come money, personal interests, preferences in life, dowries, land and property issues which have affected marriages at present from both sides of man and wife. Love is now considered as an additional entity which could be enjoyed by the couple, but it does not seemed to bind them forever since they have their own personal views and opinions for their lifestyles and preferences now. The number of divorces in the society has increased and marriage is no longer seen as everlasting relationship, which ultimately affects the family environment and children of course. Facts for these divorces could be several, which is greater than the number of divorces in the past. This is because the entire value and prospect of marriage has drastically changed with the passage of time, and the facts would be discussed in this research paper along with the comparison of the past with the present state of marriage and divorce.
Marriage
There is no doubt that marriage is one of the most important relationships in the world, which is in practice since Adam and Eve till present day. It is a distinct, unique form of association of two individuals which has been carried over centuries and also has great volume of social and personal meaning to both and the culture around them. Marriage is a sacred bond of relationship which binds two different people together. These two individuals possess different nature, culture, ambitions, opinions, thoughts, likings, and belong from different academic and family backgrounds.
“Surely, if there be constant attachment on each side, our hearts must understand each other ere long. We are not boy and girl, to be captiously irritable, misled by every moment’s inadvertence, and wantonly playing with our own happiness (Austen and Weisser 205-211)”
The importance of marriage cannot be denied as it gives the sense of security to the wife that her husband would always be there whenever she needs him. It is the kind of relationship which enables two humans to live together as man and wife and this relationship has a lot of respect, devotion, commitment, love, affection, care, sense of responsibility and loyalty from both sides. This bond is extremely sensitive and reliable simultaneously and contains contradiction at the same time. As a matter of fact, marriage is the union between a man and woman which enables them to live together forever and the foundation of this relationship is trust and love. The position of marriage is the social resource of inimitable and matchless value to those to whom it is offered so that they could develop values and prosperity in their separate lives.
“We can no more create n alternative mode of commitment carrying a parallel intensity of meaning than we can create a substitute for poetry or for love. The status of marriage if therefore a social resource of irreplaceable value to those to whom it is offered; it enables two people together to create value in their lives that they could not create if that institution had never existed (Dworkin 86).”
Value of Marriage
Marriage is of great importance for the man and wife, including their children which ultimately make a family. The value of marriage cannot be judged on monetary basis because it is a bond of feelings, emotions, commitment, devotion, warmth and just from both sides. Religions are also involved in marriages as they directly influence the way of behavior and life of the couple. According to every religion, marriage is considered to be a religious sacrament which binds two individuals in such a way that they cannot be separated by any force present on Earth. Marriages are valued religiously because it paves way for a new foundation, new creation, new family and a new life for the couple. It enables man and wife to create a new world around them and live according to their own preferences, rules and regulations where they would not face any sort of obligations from their elders or from the society. They are free to live and lead a life of their choice. In marriages, a woman with noble character and humbleness is considered far worthy than diamonds and rubies as she would be able to breed a civilized generation with proper sense of responsibility and sensibility. In order to value their marriage in the society, it is up to the every couple to lead a life that clearly prove and show everyone else around that their relationship is worth important, loving and full of commitment. This is very important for the couple because it directly influence their personal life, family and their children’s thinking because children adopts whatever they see around them and what is being practiced by their parents normally. Although married life is full of difficulties and efforts, but it the sole duty of the couple to prove themselves strong, supportive, and acquiescent so that they could set a moral value and example for other couples.
“Individuals vary for a number of reasons, with the obvious ones being level of intelligence, quality of education, disposition toward work, and willingness to accept risks. Because these characteristics are so fundamental, the usual presumption should be that they were acquired before the marriage (Parkman 169).”
Marriage helps in learning different aspects and complex values of life through mutual cooperation and trust. Just like a good teamwork in an organization, married life is all about cooperation, understanding and love among the couple to cope up together and fight against hurdles in their lives. The secret of a successful marriage lies in mutual trust, reliability, respect, proper listening, care and concern for each other, perfect communication skills, love, understanding and companionship with one another. All of these factors work together for a perfect lovable life. After marriage, the personal interests and preferences are abandoned to become secondary as the first priority becomes their partner’s priorities and choices.
State of Marriage at Present
Marriage is not a state of art which could be altered according to the requirements and choices of one partner. In fact, it is a group of mutual feelings and stages which are needed to be dealt with the help of one another. With marriage come responsibilities as well. After getting married, the personal choices and preferences are needed to become secondary as one partner has to respect what his or her partner wishes for should become first priority to deal with. This is how marriages are worked successfully.
“The main end and design of marriage, therefore, being to ascertain and fix upon some certain person, to whom the care, the protection, the maintenance, and the education of the children should belong (Blackstone and Cooley 297).”
According to the old traditional way, man is usually considered to be the main breadwinner while woman takes care of the household affairs and takes responsibility of children growth and learning. In this way, the cycle of marriage runs with mutual cooperation and understanding from both sides. Like everything worthwhile, this relationship is full of responsibilities, struggles and growth.
“The heart was thought of as the very centre of the person, the source of what’s deep inside us, the region of the soul, the core of each one’s individuality, attend to matters of the heart and you will have covered what’s essential. Thoughts of the mind, movements of the will, and acts o love all find their origin in the heart (Thomas 53).”
In the past, people preferred to live as man and wife forever, no matter how much sacrifices, struggles, and adjustments it required. But with the passage of time, there have been some major changes and this sacred bond seems to lose its values and prospective as people have started to change according to their lifestyles, preferences in life, careers, temperament and lack of adjustments. The major aspect which is observed in almost every couple nowadays is that they are not ready to cooperate with one another as they used to in the past. Previously, there was no selfishness involved in this relationship, but now marriages are compared on monetary basis, rather than love and emotional aspects. Although there might be some couples who are striving their best to be like old times, but even then, majority of the couples do not seemed to cope up with one another like a couple they used to. This has given rise to the ratio of dissatisfaction, disagreements, fights, arguments and then divorces eventually. The ratio of divorces at present is much higher than the number of divorces in the past. Normally, couples do not attempt to live with their partners if they are not satisfied and prefer to take divorce immediately without putting any efforts, struggles, cooperation or support to retain their relationship. There are several reasons behind this increase in divorces which are explained in this research paper (Waite and Gallagher 190).
Factors behind Failed Marriages
“People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world (Cloud and Townsend 107).”
At present, marriage is said to lose its value. But the reality behind this phenomenon is that marriage and its value are still there where they were in the past, things which have changed are people and their preferences in lives. There are several factors involved in the failure of marriages which would be highlighted in this section.
“You can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage (Glass and Staeheli 33).”
The major factor behind the failure of a marriage is selfishness and great monetary expectations. A couple lose cooperation, understanding and mutual love when the factor of selfishness arises between them. It is very important to lead a happily married life which is free lust or expectations from the partner. However, couples now judge their partners on several standards to feed their own self-perception. Even, the everyday routine is not selfless these days. It involves daily purchasing, chatting, lifestyle choice, satisfaction for upgrading lifestyle and much more.
Expectations have arisen and people tend to expect more than they personally do for their own partners. They expect their partner to do everything they want and to live a life of their choices. Their preferences, career, choices and lifestyle have become the first priority when compared with their partners. Other monetary based factors in the failure of a marriage are considered to be the dowry system, money, land or property, and working women. People have become selfish and they have great interest that their wives should bring plenty of money, dowry, land or property with them so that they could enjoy free pennies without struggling for it. Many people also prefer to marry with career oriented working women so that they could use their wife’s money every month and so that their wives could share the monthly expenditure with them. This has changed the picture and hierarchy of a traditional married life to high extents. This is why many individuals are not willing to get married because they think that their marriages might not be as long lasting as compared to their parents and forefathers.
Conclusion
Marriage is all about given yourself up to your partner and giving your own satisfactory preferences and making them secondary by upgrading your partner’s choice as your primary concern. Individual couples usually do it for each other, but over time, this seems to lose interest as the couples no more give themselves up to the standard of their partners and get selfish by demanding so many things from their partners. This involves physical, tangible and intangibles items simultaneously. This has increased the ratio of divorces in the culture since years and the factors which influence the marriage environment are many, such as, selfishness, meaningless expectations, dowry, money, land and property. With these factors around the society, number of divorces would keep increasing unless and until they are controlled with the help of the society and the people living within it.
Works Cited
Jane Austen, Susan Ostrov Weisser; 2005, Persuasion, Published by Spark Educational Publishing, p205.
Ronald Autor Dworkin, 2006, Is democracy possible here: principles for a new political debate, Published by Princeton University Press, p86.
Allen M. Parkman, 2000, Good Intentions Gone Awry: No-fault Divorce and the American Family, Published by Rowman & Littlefield, p169.
William Blackstone, Thomas McIntyre Cooley; 2003, Blackstone’s Commentaries on the Laws of England: In Four Books, Published by The Lawbook Exchange, Ltd., p432.
Linda J. Waite, Maggie Gallagher; 2000, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially, Published by Doubleday, p190.
Henry Cloud, John Sims Townsend; 1999, Boundaries in Marriage, Published by Zondervan, p107.
Shirley Glass, Jean Coppock Staeheli; 2004, Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, Published by Simon & Schuster, p33.
David Michael Thomas, 2007, Christian Marriage: The New Challenge, Published by Liturgical Press, p53.